Friday, 12 June 2015

Adult Orthodontics and Jaw Surgery on The NHS. Who qualifies


After having a couple of queries lately about getting treatment on the NHS (for both children and adults), please see this link. UK dentists use this as a guide as to whether or not you qualify for referral to a jaw surgeon. If you do qualify, the NHS will cover the cost of the braces, the surgery and your first set of retainers.

If you are a grade three, you will be considered. If you are a grade 4 or 5, then you will most likely be covered.  I was a grade 5 as my lower teeth protruded more than 3.5mm past my upper teeth (well, they protruded 1cm!).

The NHS is a wonderful thing, though you may have to wait a VERY long time to see the consultant and then to start treatment. Be prepared to wait, and try to be grateful!

This is the link to the UK 'Index of Orthodontic Need'  (IOTN).  Good luck :)

British Orthodontic Society IOTN

Thursday, 4 June 2015

Hello friends!

Hello friends,

Such a long time since I last posted, for this I am sorry. I have had a very hard time during January to April. I had a nervous breakdown from exhaustion and work stress (working 70 hours per week). I became a recluse and very depressed. I was highly irrational and closed myself off from the world.

However, good things come to those who wait. I managed to get a fabulous new job - it pays more, has a better ladder to climb and I work only 35 hours a week!

To anyone who needs a chat, please email me, I still get many emails from people all over the world and I always reply.

Life after jaw surgery is amazing. I still have numbness on my chin and lower lip (18 months post surgery). I think it is safe to assume that it isn't coming back - but I don't care to be honest. I don't really notice and it is still more than worth it.

My teeth still feel unstable. I wear my retainers religiously, I can only hope that at some point my teeth will begin to feel firmer and settled in.

I will try to update again very soon, but for now..... Here is a HAPPY photo :)

C x

Wednesday, 15 October 2014

Not forgotten!

Hello friends :)

I'm going to update my blog soon - I've finally got some time to spend on it. I love how my blog still attracts so much traffic and people contact me for advice. I'm always here to help.

To any newcomers or people just about to have jaw surgery, don't hesitate to email me or friend request on Facebook. I'll answer any questions I can.

C x

Tuesday, 10 June 2014

Deep insecurities

Hi friends,
It is now 10 whole months since my jaw surgery. Throughout those ten months I have had some of the best days of my life. There is no doubt that the surgery massively increased my self-confidence and gave me the strength to pursue a new life. However, I have noticed that occasionally my old self comes out. As much as I try to keep my old feelings of worthlessness buried, they still haunt me at times. 

There are still days where I feel very insecure and I can't understand why. I love my new face and I love my job and am proud of everything I have achieved these last 10 months, yet sometimes I still self-deprecate. I fall back into 'victim mode'. Even recently having had a very supportive person in my life, I still pushed him away like I don't deserve to have someone as good as him in my life. Why do I do this? I hate myself for it. It makes me feel physically sick. And so, so ashamed.

I often wonder what right I have to feel like this. After all, there are billions of people around the world who have 'real problems' and here I am moaning about my self-esteem issues. Which in turn, makes me feel ashamed once again. How can I be so arrogant as to think I have any right to complain?! 

It just goes to show, that even after having major reconstructive surgery, there are still deeply imbedded emotions which need to be dealt with. So my advice to all those who are awaiting this life-changing surgery; make sure you have someone supportive (even a councillor) who you can talk to and work through those issues with. Otherwise, you may spend a long time fighting those demons. Please don't do what I did and just pretend they have gone away the moment you wake from surgery.

I'm not generally a romanticist, but I hope one day I feel 100% worthy of someone. Just to feel totally adored and valued - and to feel like I deserve it, without question or doubt - would be very nice indeed. In the mean time, I'm going to do what any girl does when she feels sad and lonely; have a glass of wine and watch a chick flick.

Take care my friends

C x

Monday, 9 June 2014

I'm still the same on the inside

Hello friends, it is a long time since I last posted. I was busy enjoying life. New home, new job, new friends....
But something happened today that has shown me that after everything I have been through these last few years, I'm still the same as I was. Yes, the surgery gave me confidence to move forward and take opportunities, it gave me hope for my own future and I thought that it was all I ever wanted. I HAVE been happy, ecstatically so but today I made a terrible mistake. I hurt someone, someone I really never wanted to hurt and it was all because I have this horrible lack of trust of people. The surgery never took that away.
Growing up I was bullied and teased mercilessly for being ugly. I was always the child who was picked last, I was always the teenager who was ignored. I was always the student who was alone. If a guy asked me out, it was as a dare (beyond humiliating). When I finally had the courage to trust someone it ended badly. I was hurt. 

Every single time I have opened up to someone and become close with them, they broke my heart. Then it became so that I was suspicious of every guy. It became my motto to not trust any men. They were all liars. In all of my previous relationships I have accused these men of cheating and they swore blind that they never did. They had all called me paranoid and said that I was imagining things. They all said that I was just being pathetic. They all made me feel like I was losing my mind and made me feel guilty for not trusting them. They all called me delusional and needy. They all said that my own insecurities were causing me to see things that weren't happening. They made me doubt myself. Of course, I found out after that they all had cheated on me, but would rather deny it until they were blue in the face than admit the truth. 

But that is all in the past.....You'd think. It seems that my experiences have tarred my ability to trust anyone. Why is it that I have it in my head that no-one can be monogamous or faithful? Why can't I let it go?

I look back to all those times in my early twenties that I used to feel so lonely that I'd cry myself to sleep. I felt that I was too unworthy of love. Looking back at some of my old posts I can read the pain I used to feel. They were very dark times in my life and I hope to never revisit that feeling. But here I am, self-sabotaging. Causing myself to be unhappy.

Someone told me today that we never stop making mistakes. That we just have to accept them and move on. He also said that our mistakes always overshadow our triumphs. He was right. I need to try to forget about my mistakes and focus on the good things. I need to stop seeing the worst in people and start seeing the best.

But letting go of those childhood bullies and the cheating bastards is so much harder that you can imagine. For those of you who have had or are going through jaw surgery, for a facial deformity, you will understand exactly how low your self-esteem can be. You will understand the desolation and the deep loneliness that comes with it. No-one understands what it does to you. Not your family, not your friends. How can they possibly comprehend that sheer hatred of yourself that you have? Growing up with a facial deformity can be incredibly emotionally scarring. I guess that as much as we want to hide them and pretend they don't exist, those scars never truly go away.

As an adult, mum would look shocked to the core when I would say things like 'I'm too ugly for a guy to love me' and 'Look at me, I'm so ugly, who would want me'. I genuinely used to feel that way. No-one should ever be made to feel like that. But I let myself be subjected to it. I let those comments get me down. I let those men hurt me. Looking back, I wish that I had been stronger. I wish I hadn't let those men make me feel small. They are still affecting me today. I still feel alone. I still feel that no matter how hard I try, people just never understand how I used to feel and live. They will never understand that life has let me down so much that I just have no faith in people.

 I don't hate myself anymore, but I still feel unworthy. Only this time, it's because I am the one who has caused the pain. I did this to the ONLY person in my life who has been truly honest with me. The damage has been done. I will have to live with my regret and learn from my mistake.

So here's to the next step of my jaw surgery recovery: dealing with my emotional issues and learning to trust. Telling myself that I AM worthy of love and affection. I just need to stop driving it away....

It's been a long, long time since I last cried myself to sleep.

C x

Friday, 28 February 2014

Shout out to all my buddies :)

Now that I'm 'on the other side' of my jaw surgery journey, I have often wondered how long I would keep blogging for. This morning, after having written to three different people I have decided that I will keep blogging as long as people are still reaching out to me.

I am flattered to have so many people comment and ask for advice. I never tire of lending an ear to those who need it. After all, at my lowest time during my journey the positive comments from my jaw surgery buddies were what got me through it.

I want to give a shout out of ..... Encouragement and affection to all thoses going through the jaw surgery process. Don't lose hope for the future. It is all one thousand times worth it. At times when you feel incredibly low, just remember I, and other jaw surgery buddies are here for you.

C x